For Gemini

Hi! Just wondering how you are now. Hope you’re alright.

I’m alright. I want to tell you that even if you don’t care to know.

 

I just thought I should reach out. I want to tell you that I’m staying away because I’m just scared of ruining you… or ruining myself if I’d come close and you’d run away.

 

I’m not staying away because I hate you. How can I hate the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me? I want to tell you that I still want us to be friends, hoping that someday we will, again.

 

I was deeply hurt, but there’s really no one else to blame but me. I was so lonely for so long that when you came, I couldn’t help but be completely intoxicated with the attention you’ve showered me. I became so irrational and hoped too much. But I have no regrets, no hatred.

 

Before I met you, I already had very high standards. Then you came, and just made it impossibly higher. (Now I’ll never find a man who’ll meet those standards, but oh well, I’m too tired already to care about that.)

 

I really want to tell you that I want you back, but don’t worry, I won’t beg and give you a hard time.

I won’t act selfishly, snatching away the best years of your life ahead.

 

Still I want to tell you that I’m here. I’m just here, and… well, there are so many things I’d want to tell you, but it would take me a lifetime to say them all.

 

Maybe they’ll just remain unsaid… or maybe someday I’ll find someone else to say them to… I don’t know.

 

For now, I’ll just be contented with the thought that I’m able to say here what I could form into words. Life is so uncertain and temporary and unfair, but I won’t have any regrets if it gives up on me anytime, now that I’ve let you see a glimpse of my heart.

 

You don’t have to give me a response. If you don’t want to talk to me, your silence is more than enough. There won’t be a need to push me away. I’ll manage to keep my distance somehow.

 

I won’t force you anything you don’t want. I only have one request… please don’t hate me.